


An Extended Stay

by FauxDoe



Category: Doom (Video Games), Hazbin Hotel (Web Series)
Genre: I don't know how to tag ;-;, I'll try and keep it only semi-cracky, no promises, uhhhh
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-29
Updated: 2021-01-20
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:56:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23912674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FauxDoe/pseuds/FauxDoe
Summary: On his eternal universe hopping quest to punch every demon in the face, The Slayer manages to catch a certain news broadcast. Now that he thinks about it, he could use a day off actually.
Relationships: Charlie Magne/Vaggie
Comments: 9
Kudos: 74





	1. Looking for Rainbows

**Author's Note:**

> Be warned, I came up with and started this fic while super high. Updates will probs be spotty.

He'd been to universes like this. Where demons didn't yield rewards, simply blood. They were irritating. His injuries took time to heal. He needed to eat as much as possible when he got the chance. He had to clear an entire area of demons before collapsing for a day. Even his plasma pistol was difficult. He still had his fists of course, but that just meant larger demons would always be a pain.

_"I have a dream! I'm here to tell!  
_ _About a wonderful, fantastic new hotel!"  
_

Ah, one of _those_ hells. Of the countless he'd freed from demon rule, there were a handful who could actually speak. It even surprised him from time to time when he'd first hear it. Ultimtely it didn't matter much. English, infernal, or endless fucking screeching, they'd all tried to put an end to his crusade and all were put to rest.

_"It's one of a kind, right here in hell,  
_ _Catering to a specific clientele!"_

This was... different.

They'd never _sung_ , before.

Singing implied... something. He couldn't quite put his finger on it, but for the first time since he'd taken on his quest, he stopped to listen.

Maybe... maybe he wasn't too late this time around. Redemption had never been in the cards before, but if there were hellspawn who genuinely sang? Wished for a better life for their kin? Maybe this time could be- the claws of scrawny little red thing tried desperately to break through his armor.

...

One of them seemed to have taken advantage of his slight hesitation.

Just as well. He could multitask.

And if he found himself humming along with the nearby broadcast, there wouldn't really be anyone to stop him now would there?


	2. Checking In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our merry band of misfits find themselves face to face with a living legend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Couldn't decide whether to go for "Slayer shows up instead of Alastor" or "The Slayer and Alastor sorta know each other" so I flipped a coin. Enjoy!

He was tired, he was hungry, his armor was scratched and dented to hell, and worst of all, he was looking up at an airship targeting the ONE thing promising him a good night's rest. Now that just wouldn't do...

* * *

_"Here below the ground, I'm sure your plan is sound!_

_They'll spend a little time, down at this Hazbin Ho-"_

There was an explosion just outside, interrupting Al's tune quite _rudely_. In that instant, his mind was made up. Whoever was responsible would die a very slow and painful death, and then a slightly quicker, slightly more painful death as his next meal. When he realized the doors had been knocked off their hinges, one having hit poor Niffty, he was furious. _'Nobody breaks my playthings aside from me.'_

Following alongside the cast and crew of his next great show as they went to see what was causing such a racket, and it was _truly_ a sight to behold. The cute couple both gasped as they saw it, Husk looked mortified as he immediately turned back to the bar, and Niffty for her part was simply in awe under her door. Our one and only strawberry pimp merely looked indignantly at the... _thing_ , before them as it trudged its way through mechanical pieces, burning rubble, and... egg?

"Oh. It's _you_." Of course the second Al decides to take a day to himself and set up some new entertainment, _he_ breaks through. That damned thing tried to get in every fifty years or so and... well, come to think of it, how fitting. Assuming his math was right, this was attempt number six-hundred and sixty six. If nothing else, that tickled his fancy.

"Charlie dear, you may want to-" Again he was snubbed by the very large gentleman, just barely managing to step into the shadows before the small group was unceremoniously shoved out of the way. He was fully prepared to send the thing into the ninth circle before it had the chance to rip them to shreds, when it simply continued to walk past them and up to the reception desk.

_'Interesting.'_

"Sir, seeing as you're so obviously exhausted from the journey here, why don't you just make yourself at home in one of our penthouse suites." At the snap of his fingers, a key card was in the thing's hand. It looked to them either quizzically or hatefully, but made it's way up the grandiose staircase. When he was gone, the tension in the room stayed as the staff tried to wrap their heads around the last several minutes. Only a door slamming from somewhere above broke their silence.

"This... certainly complicates things. Come now everyone, I have some thinking to do and there's _no_ better place to think than in the kitchen!"

* * *

When he awoke, his armor had been placed on the kitchen island. It was clean and dent free, with the exception of the hellish symbol on the helmet. He didn't remember taking his armor off.

~~**_R̶̡͓̠͈͍̣͉̲̘͈͍̫͔̮̱̞̀͑͜ȋ̵͚̹̳̬̦̰̓͌͌̌̃̾̈́͆̌̓͘p̷̢̨̛̻̦̳̮̯̙̪̲͕̂̓͊̎̾̔̋̑͘̚͘͘͝ͅͅ ̷̡̛̮̘̪͎̫̙͚̓̐̈́̿͑a̵̡͕̮͔͍̹͉͇͕̪͐̾̏̊̆̆̕n̸̲̱͎͔͖̝̠͈̣̣͐͆̏̈̽̇̈́͜͝d̴̖̬͚̠͖̻̫̙͐͛̑̈́ ̵̹̹̠̃͋̇̽̈́̓̃͒̏̑͂T̶̹͎͚̝̓͌̍̕ĕ̷̩̱͕͉̈́́̈̉̽̚a̵̠̟̠̙̰̤͛̾̾͋͋̐͂̊͗̽͑̿̕͠ṟ̶̡͇̜̜͙͐̒̎̽̄̎͑͝_ ** ~~

That was more like it.

 _'Ah, you're awake. You've been asleep for two days.'_ That sounded about right. What about- _'Do not worry. The demon "Alastor" only undressed you in the technical sense. Through observation, it appears this universe has magic to spare. He simply snapped his fingers and your suit was taken care of.'_

Well, for every insult thrown, every near death experience, and every single god damned time he had tried to crash his way into this hell, he had to admit one thing. Al was a man of his word.

 _'It appears there is a continental breakfast held in the dining room each morning at eight AM. There are still a few hours left until then. I would suggest taking in the layout of the hotel in case the situation gets out of hand.'_ Nodding his head, he slowly made his way through hallway after hallway, stopping by each amenity and kicking in each bathroom door. To say the Slayer got 'hangry' from time to time was an understatement. He wondered what food they served in hell?

He would _kill_ for some jambalaya.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, I'm sure I messed up somewhere, so please yell at me in the comments!


	3. About That Room...

"Charlie, I... you know how I feel about that the whole 'Al' situation, so I need you to listen to me. I will leave you alone about asking for help from _whoever_ you want from here on out as long as you just get rid of that _thing._ " Vaggie had always been cautious. Whether dealing with words, fights, or friends, she always tried to think through every possible situation before deciding on the safest option. Unfortunately there simply wasn't a safe option, hence the liberal amount of control she was willing to relinquish to get the hotel's newest guest out as fast as possible.

"You have to understand- YOU of all people have to understand the danger he poses existing top side _alone_. The fact that he's here? Now? As a guest to the hotel? What demon in the nine circles would be willing to check in when word gets out-"

" _I KNOW! I **FUCKING** KNOW, VAGGIE! I_\- It's alright, it's alright, deep breaths, no demon form when arguing, deep, breaths, Deep. Breaths- That's not working and _I know_!"

* * *

"So, uh... Al? I know you said you'd do something about the, uh... the situation goin' on, but Charlie and Vags are tearin' each other apart."

...

"Listen, I know I'm not the sharpest cheddah when it comes to these sorts of things, but wouldya at least tell me what's goin' on? Husky hasn't left his room since yesterday and Niffty just keeps sayin' shit about blood n' guts before skittering away to- to stress clean? Shit, she fuckin' asked me to let her _dust bathe_ me. Who the hell is this guy?"

...

Damn.

He had a point.

"I'm sorry, Angel. I believe you do deserve an explanation." Twirling his staff, the room is plunged into darkness as images of the Slayer's escapades dance through their minds.

"In the first age, in the first battle, when the shadow's first lengthened? One stood. Burned by the embers of Armageddon..."

* * *

Lucifer always loved early mornings. Never knew why. Didn't bother to think about it really. Simply let himself enjoy them. Placing a cup of tea beside his wife, he lightly touched it to keep it from going cold while he awaited his queen's wakefulness. Today was a special day after all. An anniversary only comes once a year, does it not? Oh, and all the splendid things they had planned. Why, he only knew the half of them! A few millennia back they both decided that such occasions were perfect for surprises, and ever since they'd planned the day for each other in complete secret.

His phone rang from a room or two over, quiet but noticeable. Lilith shifted in her sleep. Whoever was on the end would be given exactly seven seconds to spit out their two cents before he incinerated them.

 _Oh_.

Charlotte finally decide to give daddy a call?

"Good morning my little Apple. How nice of you to call, but I... I can't assume it's to wish us a happy anniversary now, can I?" Let it never be said that Lucifer didn't love his daughter. He doted on her constantly and consistently when it came to proper royal matters. Unfortunately, the last they spoke was about his treatment of the masses. The poor girl had it in her head that if a human could be redeemed in the living world, they could be redeemed in hell. After their one and only fight on the matter, her mother saw to it she was at least given the chance to realize her dreams. He still thought her naive, positively blinded by optimism, but he'd had Lillith bring her a gift from him. A beautiful leather bound ledger with his personal HellPhone number on a small card. _'Call me if things go south, Apple. You'll always have a place in our home.'_

"No, I did remember, Happy Anniversary! A fruit basket should be arriving in about an hour! It's beautiful and elaborate, and it even has a few less than healthy options hidden in there for you! If... if the service I used is still around." That was... odd. They both knew that any day in hell was pure chaos, that nothing was for certain other than the yearly culling.

"Oh, that's absolutely wonderful to hear darling. But, what's all this concern about? You know as well as I that-"

"Daddy..." Now... that just won't do.

"Give me a name sweet heart, they'll be on the six o'clock new- no, the FIVE o'clock news. I swear if they put so much as a finger on-"

"No! No... it's not that exactly. The.. the Slayer. He's... here... at the hotel." Lucifer hung up instantly and went to the bedroom.

"Lilith my dear, I do apologize for the rude awakening, but it appears our plans have been delayed. I'll explain in the car, just get ready for anything."

* * *

And that's how our hero found himself in a luxurious, if somewhat clashing dining room, a mountain of eggs, bacon, toast, and several pitchers of various breakfasty drinks between him and four of the most powerful demons in hell.

"May I ask that we conduct this business before you start with... all of that?" He shot the ruler of hell a dirty look, having been forced to remove his helmet to eat. He felt nervous without Vega's near monotone voice in his ear, and even more so with genuine demons in the same room, so no. They could either deal with him having breakfast, or wait until he was done.

"I see. Well, as you are a... _guest_ , here at my daughter's hotel, may I ask why... any of this? Is still standing?" He was forced to admit, this one did have a nice hat. With his mouth thoroughly occupied, the slayer began to fiddle with his helmet.

"My liege, why it's _obviously_ because word has gotten 'round. He's clearly here to assist me and my business partner with our revolutionary new hotel, yes?" Still tinkering with the helmet in one hand, he continued to make his way through breakfast with the other.

"I... I'm sorry, uh... Sir, but if we're to conduct business, you will have to weigh in. Mister Slayer. Sir." Lillith gently placed her hand in Charlie's doing what she could to reassure the terrified girl. It was touching, truly. It was nice to see he wasn't wrong about not being too late.

"The Slayer would apologize for the destruction he caused during his first few hours, but seeing as the recent angelic attack hid both his entrance into this world and that he's made his way here, he simply will not." Vega spoke through a quick and dirty speaker system they'd managed to reengineer into the helmet after checking the hotel's layout. Alright, yeah, the two also went over a number of things to say and do just to fuck with the staff. Sue 'em.

"In any case, he only has three simple demands." The four before him spoke to each other in hushed whispers before facing him again.

"We are willing to allow you to stay at the hotel for a limited amount of time. _Very_ limited depending on these... demands." Alright, the hat factor was diminishing.

"First, the Slayer agrees to pay for his suite in labor, given that he is granted full protection by whatever body governs this circle of hell." Reading the room of glares and disbelief, he quickly knocked on the helmet, which had at this point moved to the table.

"Barring that, full protection while on hotel grounds." It was obvious no one was happy with the idea, but they would have to live with it.

"Second, that hotel staff grant the Slayer a detailed rundown on the nine circles, as well as a list with of all high ranking and powerful demons within them." That wasn't exactly going to be easy given the sheer amount of powerful demons throughout the entirety of hell, but it seemed like no one had any particular problems with it.

"Third, the demon Alastor is required to make dinner for all the guests once a week." That one simply confused the present royalty, but seemed to put a more genuine hint to Al's smile. Knew he'd get a kick out of it. The demons excused themselves to go over the offer, leaving him to his own devices. Namely, fork and spoon in this scenario.

"Y-" His voice was interrupted by a coughing fit. Damn, when was the last time he actually spoke? Several minutes and half a pitcher of orange juice later, he tried again.

"You know, Vega? I think Duke woulda liked it here..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now that I think about it, I really want to hear the Slayer's backstory in Al's voice.
> 
> And yes, I did have fun with Sharpest Cheddah
> 
> And Four Before
> 
> Yell at me about it in the comments

**Author's Note:**

> Criticism would be appreciated as I take you on this unorthodox journey through hell! Love y'all!


End file.
